“- When I become a mum, I will never bribe my kids with candy or food.” Yes, I actually did say this before I had kids. Bahahaha.
It is so easy to have an opinion about what we don’t know. Especially when it comes to parenthood or motherhood. That’s because we have all had some kind of experience of a mother figure and we all have an opinion of what works and what doesn’t. Most of all, we know what we will do better than our parents, and what they did really good. It is not until we become parents ourselves that we really understand the struggles as a parent.
More than a couple of times I’ve heard my mum’s voice coming out of my mouth. Not literally, but when I am telling the kids something that my mum told me when I was young. Saying things that I haven’t really thought about. There is so much information on how to be a good mum, you can read it in papers and books, or hear it from friends, mums, grandmas, and so on.
And there’s info about everything - how to best feed them, dress them, put them to bed. Something vital that gets missed in this flow of information is how to trust yourself and listen to your baby. Regardless of what the books say, you can only do what feels right for you, and it will be fine!
A perfect mum is imperfect. She is enough just the way she is. Think about how you want your kids to live their lives and do that. Kids do what you do, not what you tell them to do.
Have you really thought about what you think is important as a mum? Not what everyone else thinks is important. But what YOU think is important. It took me a while to realise it, but that is actually what matters.
I feel that it is important for my kids to see their mum and dad following their dreams, because I want my kids to follow their dreams. By moving to the other side of the world I hope that I have shown my kids that you can do whatever you want. To dream big and to follow their dreams. That is more important to me than showing them how to always have a tidy house. Even if that would be nice, it is not my main focus.
Instead of drowning in the quest to become a perfect mum, let go of how things should be and allow yourself to be the one you are without guilt and shame. You want your child to accept and embrace who they are, and that has to start with you.
So tell me, how do you want to be as a mum?
Would you like some support around these questions and to create a change in your life with your family. You can get this and much more in The Connecting Circle - a 5-week online coaching program for mums who want a change. Read more here.
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